Ping Ponging

I have spent a month in my studio ping-ponging from one thing to another with an itchy feeling of missing the ball every time. No focus, no inspiration, nothing. I did the usual exercises to jump start my ideas: cleaned the studio, organized my thread drawer, read about other artists, and walked aimlessly through the neighborhood with my phone camera.

Nothing.

This often happens after finishing a piece that consumes my imagination. I had just finished Encounter, a piece that really birthed itself made up of pieces of canvas on which I had dribbled paint and ink. After that cathartic experience I wasn’t sure where to turn for the next inspiration.

Encounter, 34x41, 2021, Paula Kovarik

I needed to move into a new headspace. A friend of mine gifted me yards of Silk Noil. The fabric is luscious, soft and raw looking. I decided to use it to revisit an idea I have worked on before: exploring marks that could illustrate words not spoken. Inspired by hieroglyphs, runes and Arabic script this visual language can be a way to communicate broader concepts.

Glyphs, 27x18, Paula Kovarik, 2017

Better Not Said, 41x26, Paula Kovarik, 2019

I started with a drawing to remind myself how these marks can be put together. Generally I try not to have a preconceived notion about how they should look. Instead I draw each mark in a random way then start to fill in the spaces that become available. I have noticed that I naturally follow an implied north/south east/west underpinning. I wonder why that is? I also like connecting the disparate shapes with unexpected lines.

Glyphs doodling.

Glyphs doodling.

Once satisfied with the density of the marks and the feel of making them I was ready to try it with stitch. I set up three 21”x21” silk noil sandwiches with some wool batting, drew a chalk circle onto each one and started stitching. Here are the results.

I don’t spend a lot of time on these exercises. Each square takes about two days to come alive. Using a neutral thread that matches the fabric to create the outer texture defines the circle a bit more and adds an element of energy to the composition. I don’t bury the threads on those end points preferring instead to use my machine’s automatic cutter that knots the threads on the underside. The back is not pretty.

I’m not sure I have broken the cycle of ping ponging. I am about to travel and teach so that might bring more inspiration when I return. Hope so.

How do you break the cycle? Drop me a note!

Better Not Said

I’ve been thinking about what we don’t say.

When asked how we are doing we say “fine.” Not “I’m anxious as hell and I don’t want to take it anymore.“ When we are in a group of strangers it’s difficult to talk about abortion, racism, immigration or politics because it might step on some peoples beliefs. We send out little hints in polite company, feeling out which side of the great divides they are on before revealing our position. We use code words to express our dislike. In the South it is “bless her heart” for someone who is hopelessly wrong or clueless.

So I started thinking about how a language that doesn’t say anything would look. Kind of a secret language we keep to ourselves as we navigate these non-conversations. It’s a language only we understand. You know how it sounds right? It’s that voice inside that calls out your truth but in a whispering tone that only you can hear.

These hieroglyphic shapes could mean anything to the passing stranger. Or nothing.

And then I started thinking about what holding back does to our consciousness. How does NOT saying something affect what I believe to be true? How does NOT saying something create a tacit understanding among community members of where I stand? How does NOT saying something affect my inner peace? Does saying my truth out loud create barriers or bridges?

I’m all over the place with this. It’s hard to even write what I mean here.

Does polite conversation have a place in the dialog of change? Certainly ambassadors must use it when they are negotiating deals with despots. They seed their conversations with objectives while avoiding hot spots. Our president seems to think that name calling and dramatics will result in him getting his way. But will it? Or does the abandonment of polite conversation give us chaos instead?

Keeping my truth to myself results in little reservoirs of doubt and anxiety.

Keeping my truth to myself results in little reservoirs of doubt and anxiety.

So here is Better Not Said. A study of inner thoughts and outer NON dialog.

Better Not Said, 41” x 26.5”, linen, cotton, thread and batting. Paula Kovarik